20 days ago I abandoned my career as an Engineer in search of something else, something unknown. I would like to say that my world has been turned upside down, but it’s more true to say that it was already upside down, and that it has now turned the right way up. For the first time in my life I feel truly free.
There are two simple statements that have been resonating with me of late. Two simple statements that can be heard loud and clear by anyone, but take great attention and contemplation to fully understand.
The first is “Just Do It“. Here and now. This really is it. Right now. Next year we will all be older. Soon we will be dead. There are many things I want to do in my life. My biggest hurdle has not been an inability to achieve my goals, but rather an ignorance of my options and a fear of change. What will I do without my high Income? Will I be able to get another Job? Where will I live? These questions only served to keep me still. To keep me stuck in fear of change and perpetually failing to really live the life I have. The future is uncertain. But regardless, it is always possible that I might fail at what I don’t want to do anyway, so why not at least try and do something I really want to do? Why not pick that thing I want to do, and Just Do It?
The second is “Live and Let Live“. I spent too many years in hate. There are many people in this world, and many different ways of life. Yes, there is one and only one truth about life, the Universe and all that is and will ever be, but who am I to think that I am right in what I ‘know’. I may see many beliefs as silly or unwarranted, but who am I to tell anyone what they should or should not believe. We should express ourselves and our thoughts, and we should listen to others, it is the best way to grow in self. But we must learn to just love each other regardless of what we each choose to believe, be it out of introspective conviction, faith, science, ignorance, whatever. I have found great peace in the past weeks by learning to just accept anyone for who they are, regardless of whether they are willing to accept me or not.
These last few weeks have seen me completely lose who I thought I was. I now know, with absolute certainty, that money and happiness have absolutely nothing to do with each other. All of the best memories I have made over the past year have been in the last few weeks.
My First Game of Jenga
A Road Trip Break
Playing Jenga for the first time. Having a secret party under a bridge. Watching the clouds from a mountain top. Road trips. My friends bucks night at the pub. But most of all, what has brought me the most peace and happiness is people. I have met many new and amazing people.
Craigs Bucks Night
Secret Party @ Undisclosed Location
I don’t know where I will be in 4 months. But wherever it is, it will be somewhere I want to be. Otherwise I wont stay.
In ideal circumstances, it is now 2 months from the day I go to Falls Creek (the snow). There is a good chance this will not happen, but in any case whatever my next step is, it will likely either be somewhere distant or on the way to somewhere distant. So I must be prepared. For those of you that are reading my posts, you will know that being prepared involves getting rid of all of my stuff. Besides perhaps a small selection of things that I will leave with loved ones.
For the remainder of today and all of tomorrow I will be photographing and listing every single book, CD and DVD I own, love and have left, for sale. Those that don’t sell I will be giving away for free. Be it to anyone that wants them or a charity store. Most likely the remaining books will go to the Melbourne Central book exchange shelf.
I wish to see more of this world, how that happens I don’t yet know and I will likely always remain uncertain about what comes next. The biggest step will be to get to the next place. The first place. And to start learning how to live with less.
The life I have been leading has now left me empty, depressed and wanting for more. But more it seems, is less. More is to enjoy the moment, to find myself in good company and in laughter. To leave behind the office and the seemingly endless professional repetition. I no longer have any desire to strive for a promotion, or a pay rise. These things are now meaningless to me. As of this June, I will no longer work jobs I do not enjoy. I will make sure that I am either somewhere I want to be, or working towards somewhere I want to be. I am the only person in control of my future. I want no handouts. I will make myself.
So for now. It is time to start taking photographs, weighing books and listing things for sale. Once I have started getting a decent amount of things listed I will place some links here.
My life is about to change. I no longer have space for unnecessary material possessions. I don’t know what comes next, only that possessions tie me down. Right now, the one person that knows me better than anyone else in the world is going through what is left of my things.
Everything I own triggers a memory, like a song reminds us of a childhood habit or a smell reminds us of a long gone and distant location. The things that last, that don’t end up in the trash, on the kerb or flogged off, tend to be the things that hold the most meaning. Sentimental value. Memories of people, of love, of pain, of times that were. Memories of people no longer with us and stories of people we never even met.
The more my pile of possessions dwindles, the more difficult it is to continue its reduction. I do not want to get rid of what is left. It hurts. But I do not know what to do with all of it. And so she is here. The one person in this world that has seen through my many facades and understands the person that lies beneath, and she is going through what is left. This is what she chooses to take with her.
Each of these simple things hold more than a retail value. Each of them makes a small part of me. A part of me is in each of them. A story, one mostly of happiness in times that should have been miserable. A time when faced with real responsibility. A real reason to show up and be counted where a smile and laughter was found. But everything changes. It’s time to let go. We must all let go of something at some point. At the end all we have are our memories and the people we love.
Some people will loose everything they have, against their will. Be it a fire, a flood, theft or any other means. But I choose to become more than I am now, I choose to change, which means freeing myself from this endless consumerism, this accumulation of material. My memories will not fade with my possessions. Everything I know and love will be stored in 1’s and 0’s. To be reflected upon at will. My story from this day forth will be recorded, in writing and in photos. I must get better at taking photos. I have photos. Time to let go.