Welcome Revelations

20 days ago I abandoned my career as an Engineer in search of something else, something unknown. I would like to say that my world has been turned upside down, but it’s more true to say that it was already upside down, and that it has now turned the right way up. For the first time in my life I feel truly free.

There are two simple statements that have been resonating with me of late. Two simple statements that can be heard loud and clear by anyone, but take great attention and contemplation to fully understand.

The first is “Just Do It“. Here and now. This really is it. Right now. Next year we will all be older. Soon we will be dead. There are many things I want to do in my life. My biggest hurdle has not been an inability to achieve my goals, but rather an ignorance of my options and a fear of change. What will I do without my high Income? Will I be able to get another Job? Where will I live? These questions only served to keep me still. To keep me stuck in fear of change and perpetually failing to really live the life I have. The future is uncertain. But regardless, it is always possible that I might fail at what I don’t want to do anyway, so why not at least try and do something I really want to do? Why not pick that thing I want to do, and Just Do It?

The second is “Live and Let Live. I spent too many years in hate. There are many people in this world, and many different ways of life. Yes, there is one and only one truth about life, the Universe and all that is and will ever be, but who am I to think that I am right in what I ‘know’. I may see many beliefs as silly or unwarranted, but who am I to tell anyone what they should or should not believe. We should express ourselves and our thoughts, and we should listen to others, it is the best way to grow in self. But we must learn to just love each other regardless of what we each choose to believe, be it out of introspective conviction, faith, science, ignorance, whatever. I have found great peace in the past weeks by learning to just accept anyone for who they are, regardless of whether they are willing to accept me or not.

These last few weeks have seen me completely lose who I thought I was. I now know, with absolute certainty, that money and happiness have absolutely nothing to do with each other. All of the best memories I have made over the past year have been in the last few weeks.

My First Game of Jenga

My First Game of Jenga

A Road Trip Break

A Road Trip Break

Playing Jenga for the first time. Having a secret party under a bridge. Watching the clouds from a mountain top. Road trips. My friends bucks night at the pub. But most of all, what has brought me the most peace and happiness is people. I have met many new and amazing people.

Craigs Bucks Night

Craigs Bucks Night

Secret Event @ Undisclosed Location

Secret Party @ Undisclosed Location

I don’t know where I will be in 4 months. But wherever it is, it will be somewhere I want to be. Otherwise I wont stay.

Chasing a Lie – Relative Maturity

Every day that passes I think I am mature, that I have finally become an adult. Yet every year that passes I look back at how many silly and immature things I have done.

I remember being a child, looking up at the older people (even people as young as 16 at the time) I admired, at how cool and wise they were, as if they were all knowing and lived with a clear purpose. Now I wonder if anyone ever really become wise, or if it is all just relative. Do we ever really find a purpose, or do some of us just materialize one to suit their life choices?

I don’t believe anyone really knows where they are going, what they are doing, or why they are doing it. Some people think they know, though I doubt they really do. It seems that no matter what we believe we will always remain a minority, and as such are likely wrong. Every belief I hold is more likely to be wrong than right. So what’s the point believing in anything? I don’t know. I only really believe in myself. It is the only perspective I will ever have.

So if I have no purpose, if I am immature and do not have a clear path to follow, what is it that I should do tomorrow? Why should I continue to exist?

Happiness. Joy. Love. These are the things I wish to live for. I wish to live for laughter, for moments that capture the heart, for the places that take your breath away, for the times that freeze time still. I should continue to exist, not because I have a purpose, but because regardless of how I came to be, I Am lucky enough to be alive. I think therefore I am. I have the privilege of life, and I know what it is like to be loved, to be wanted and to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

So I have no direction, nor do I want one. I am not wise, though some people may be deluded in to thinking I am. I am not mature, I do not know even know what maturity is. According to wikipedia, “maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner”. So based on wikipedias interpretation, maturity is an experience based trait. Those that have the widest range of experience are more likely to understand possible outcomes and act appropriately. No doubt intelligence, physicality and many other attributes also effect maturity, but on the whole it seems that the older a person is, the more mature they ought to be.

Well, I have been hearing two messages very, very clearly from people older (more mature) than myself for a very long time. Only recently have I decided to really stop, listen and think about the message I am receiving:

  1. Life is short; and
  2. Go out and get what it is that you want.

So i’ll say it again, like in many other posts. I’m scared, I don’t know what my future holds. Will I survive this world now that I have chosen to leave the professional world? Now that I have chosen to take the hard road. The path less traveled. I am not prepared. The great unknown looms over me. I stand firm and march forward. I must. Life is too short. While my mind doubts, my heart is strong. Life is way too short.

Is This @#$% Really Important?

My professional life is over in 51 days now (34 more days behind a desk). The closer the date gets, the more i’m thinking about what is going to happen. Truth is that I have no solid idea. Perhaps my need to know, my need to have some degree of certainty as to what the future holds, is something I need to let go of.

Today I have been trying to shift my thinking. Rather than thinking about what is going to happen. I’m asking myself what is important? Life is uncertain, and I do not have a solid plan. I only have ideas that may or may not work (though i’m largely optimistic) and a desire to actually live my life. So perhaps I should just let life happen, enjoy the moment and focus on the important things. But what are the important things?

These are the things that I think are important. This list has not been planned and perhaps I will use it as a ‘live’ record and update it as I make my journey. But for now, this is what comes to mind:

  • People
  • Passion
  • Family
  • Adventure
  • Individuality
  • Travel
  • Love
  • Compassion
  • Contribution
  • Sleep
  • Diversity
  • Experience
  • Friendship
  • Health
  • Creativity
  • I have recently been put in contact and inspired by a few people who have already taken the leap I intend to take. Individuals who have thrown away the ideals that we have been taught, and have become truly their own people. I hope to learn a lot from these incredible people.

    I have also had many conversations recently with older professionals, including people in my current workplace. Many times I have heard that one of the biggest regrets they have is not taking a similar risk when they were younger, and choosing to just continue in the corporate world, year after year.

    So i’m going to try my best to focus on what is important, and just let life happen, whilst trying to experience and travel as much as possible. If I end up in the gutter. I will end up in the gutter happy. I have no idea where I am going. But for the first time in my life I feel that I am beginning to discover myself, and not the person the world expects me to be.

    Entering the great unknown in T – 51 days.

    Letting go

    My life is about to change. I no longer have space for unnecessary material possessions. I don’t know what comes next, only that possessions tie me down. Right now, the one person that knows me better than anyone else in the world is going through what is left of my things.

    Everything I own triggers a memory, like a song reminds us of a childhood habit or a smell reminds us of a long gone and distant location. The things that last, that don’t end up in the trash, on the kerb or flogged off, tend to be the things that hold the most meaning. Sentimental value. Memories of people, of love, of pain, of times that were. Memories of people no longer with us and stories of people we never even met.

    The more my pile of possessions dwindles, the more difficult it is to continue its reduction. I do not want to get rid of what is left. It hurts. But I do not know what to do with all of it. And so she is here. The one person in this world that has seen through my many facades and understands the person that lies beneath, and she is going through what is left. This is what she chooses to take with her.

    20140324-214630.jpg
    Each of these simple things hold more than a retail value. Each of them makes a small part of me. A part of me is in each of them. A story, one mostly of happiness in times that should have been miserable. A time when faced with real responsibility. A real reason to show up and be counted where a smile and laughter was found. But everything changes. It’s time to let go. We must all let go of something at some point. At the end all we have are our memories and the people we love.

    Some people will loose everything they have, against their will. Be it a fire, a flood, theft or any other means. But I choose to become more than I am now, I choose to change, which means freeing myself from this endless consumerism, this accumulation of material. My memories will not fade with my possessions. Everything I know and love will be stored in 1’s and 0’s. To be reflected upon at will. My story from this day forth will be recorded, in writing and in photos. I must get better at taking photos. I have photos. Time to let go.